How do I look ?
It's too early to say. We'll look at the blow ups later.
Touch ups are always necessary, but nothing major.
- What's your name? - Davide, and yours?
- Vivian. - Oh, sure. How stupid of me !
It's not very polite to forget your model's name.
Sorry. I remember faces but I easily forget names.
Why don't you give me a name that's less banal?
Maybe I'm banal.
Putting up a front to make me curious?
Here we are.
I think this is one of the best.
Why do you always take photographs like these?
No particular reason, I just love beauty.
You don't mean
that all the women who pose for you have a behind like mine?
Rarely, but some do.
Even an old posterior can have charm and personality.
This is a 16-year old, not yet ripe.
She didn't want to, but then she agreed.
- And who's that? - The 16-years old's mother.
- And that one? - That's me.
A self-portrait.
I wanted to see if I was photogenic.
You're photogenic and cute.
It's not enough to make me happy.
- Want me to praise you? - Yes, please.
I don't have much self esteem.
Your behind is very sexy, but don't you have other ambitions?
Displaying the backside is a sign of defiance.
The butt of the protest !
You want to daze me with complications?
Kiss me.
What about your childhood?
When I was little I envied women's genitals.
Then everything changed, of course.
In fact, I'll compete with other men as long as I can.
And you, are you happy?
No, I'm not.
At first, yes. It was all lovely.
We got married because we were in love.
We made love all the time, we never got tired.
It was wonderful !
He said he only had to look at me to get aroused.
Damn you !
Here.
Damn you ! We're under fire, let's go.
"She gloved his puppet so it wouldn't get cold..."
"..and he opened the pages of that posterior missal...
...and marked them with his mentula."
- What's a mentula? - The male member in Latin.
- And the female one? - Cunnus, a masculine noun.
So, why do modern day Romans say "cazzo"?
That comes from akatios, the ship's mast.
How bestial !
That's what Aretino would say. Right, Davide?
Come on, let's go !
There's a free place down there, if you want.
- Come on, let's go. - You can't do that here.
There are kids playing, the football pitch...
Leave them alone. Can't you see they're decent folk?
Can't you shove off?
- Let's go, this place is a nuthouse. - What did I tell you?
- Is he any good? - He used to be wonderful in bed.
- He had a... mentula? - Yes, mentula.
He had a mentula this long.
I called him "Monsieur dix fois"
because he'd make love to me ten times every night.
- Really? - Yes, ten times.
It gave me fantastic skin.
Then nine, eight, seven...
six, five, four...
- Three, two, one... - Zero. Everything canceled !
- And then? - I took on an accountant.
- What are they like? - They can only manage five times.
It's him.
The ex "dix fois" or the accountant?
It's my husband.
Who's calling?
Ah, it's you !
Yes, everything's fine.
A big audience? Big applause?
What have I done?
I had lunch with Davide.
He took some wonderful photos of me.
No, I only pose nude for you.
He was very professional.
He's very nice and speaks highly of you.
He say's you're a great actor.
Bye for now.
- He wants me to say I love him. - Say it.
But husbands and wives don't say these things.
All right, I love you. Bye.
- Why did you make me say it? - So he'll work and earn money.
He's mysteriously rich !
He acts to give a sense of purpose to his life,
- ..but he's a ham. - And you put mustard on him.
Are you rich?
Yes... very mysteriously !
I'm very nervous.
Calm down, nervousness plays nasty tricks.
I'm not "Mr Ten Times", or even an accountant.
I like you like this, with your little mentula.
If you don't feel like it now, we'll do it some other time.
Where's the library?
At the end of the corridor.
The library?
Yes. Reading helps at times like these.
Take the torch.
Don't make a noise.
Thanks.
This happens when I want it too much.
Who is it?
Is it you, sir?
Are you here for me, or the lady of the house?
Is it really you, sir?
Is that all right?
Now run to your wife.
What a miracle !
"He light and I pushed upward,
we were able to ascend from jag to jag."
- Dante's "Inferno". - The appropriate verse.
My husband only likes Chekov.
Chekov's no good for my "ship's mast".
Literature's very important for you.
Yes.
The master was acting weird last night.
He must be upset.
He can't cut it anymore.
Yes... what manners !
I'm coming, Tonina.
Here's breakfast.
But it's not the master, it's a man !
And what a man !
- Sorry, I didn't realize. - Turn round, my dear.
- May I? - Of course, he's a friend.
Haven't we already met?
Don't tell me that Dante's jags are hers !
It's the first time I've laid eyes on Tonina's bottom
but it shows character and it's assured of a great future.
And mine?
Yours is different: strong-willed, unpredictable, volatile.
Tonina's is on the launch pad.
- Will you be back? - Why '?
I wanted to know if you like this breakfast?
Yes.
- I have to make a phone call. - The telephone's through there.
- Who are you calling? - My wife.
Excuse me, I'll be right back.
- He's married ! - So?
"I've got a nice ass, "she says.
But my little dick is as floppy as a jellyfish.
I thank God if I manage to get it up once a week.
My charm hasn't matured yet,
I've got to wait until my lines get deeper.
But in the meantime death applies the first touches.
Here I am, one of Canova's angels...
...on the tomb of the Stuarts at St. Peters.
"Where there is sorrow, there is holy ground." Oscar Wilde.
Sometimes it hardly takes anything to ruin a marriage.
This furrow, for example.
A bottom weighed down by sadness.
I dreamt you were caressing me
and you're actually here.
I don't love you anymore since they took my tonsils out.
- I was dreaming. - Carry on dreaming.
Tomorrow I'll be far away.
Have a nice trip. Don't come back.
You rogue, I'll show you !
Pervert ! Exploiting the confessional for masturbation !
100 "Hail Mary's" and 100 "Our Fathers".
What are you doing here?
- I've got a problem, uncle. - Money or women?
I want to divorce my wife. She's already left me.
- You neglected her too much. - No, I stopped loving her.
Even Socrates and Xanthippe argued constantly.
You married an intellectual, a nuisance.
Yes, but that's not the point.
Remember, the tree of knowledge isn't the tree of life.
I'm having a moral crisis, uncle.
They drop off my head, but grow out of my nose.
Nothing is sweeter than knowing all. Spit it out.
I'm not interested in women as they are.
- You want them with three butts? - No, what are you talking about?
- One's already too much. - Look, Davide...
I don't want pederasts in the family.
Sin is the flavour of life.
The church was the first to understand that.
Vice versus virtue from birth to death.
Never a dull moment.
Without the Council of Trent, we wouldn't know the joys of eroticism.
Great literature, great art? All our own work.
Freud? All our own work too.
Flagellation? All our own work.
The Inquisition, burnings at the stake? All our own work.
Joy and punishment.
Sin has created man's concern for salvation.
God created sin for man's own good
and God's glory increases with sin.
But when I'm in bed with a woman, I don't feel like a sinner.
That's what happens when shame is abolished !
Permissiveness is a disaster.
Modern comradery between man and woman
has robbed sex of its divine mystery.
Desire is only born of deprivation.
You're tired of that fact that women spread their legs too easily?
So what?
If one only sins at home,
one always rise to the occasion !
This Bordeaux is from '64. Vivian says it's a good year.
- What's your opinion? - I think it's excellent?
Don't agitate it.
Madame !
I've repeatedly told you not to wear my panties.
This scenario is acted out every time we have guests.
I appreciate the fun in it,
but I'm astounded by my wife's lack of imagination.
Tonina has a nice bottom, it puts people in a good mood.
Give me your plate.
Especially when there's a killjoy like you at the table.
You must have noticed that our marriage is on the rocks.
All morning in the kitchen... Come closer, please.
Let's hope it's turned out well.
- There you are, served. - Your wife treats you very well.
Yes, but I've put on 10 kilos since I got married.
You don't look very fat to me.
French women are noted for two things...
- ..cooking being one of them. - And the other '?
Use your imagination, my dear !
Vivian is an extraordinary woman, in every sense.
- What do you think? - Bewitching.
This Bordeaux comes straight from Bordeaux.
My mother makes it.
- She's a wine producer? - No, she's a teacher.
But she's got a few vineyards.
My husband hates her.
She gets on my nerves, she's such a nationalist.
Me too, but you still put up with me.
So what? I go to bed with you.
And you still enjoy it, after all these years?
Marriage is an unnatural institution.
St. Paul said that he who loves his wife, loves himself.
If one finds a good wife, one is happy.
Otherwise one is philosophical.
You should be happy then.
I'm no longer attractive, but she still is.
- Are you attracted? - Yes, very.
The cheese.
- Did you take off my panties? - Yes.
Good girl.
We only talk about panties in this house. They've made me hate them !
I can't stand bras, corsets, stockings... fetishes !
Vivian's "juices are ﬂowing", as Aretino would say.
Sex plays an important part everywhere.
But here, the only one that matters is my wife's.
I bet you've never heard of neurones.
- Neurones? - Ever heard of them '?
Yes.
- How old are you? - 32.
You've been losing them for two years.
From age 30 onwards, we lose 100,000 neurones a day.
I'm losing them too, but I'm an actor
and while they lose neurones, artists gain neutrons.
They gather the positive and negative forces of the universe.
Are you listening?
Are you capable of gathering the forces of the universe?
- No, I'm not. - I'm very capable.
All I have to do is concentrate and I can feel them.
An actor is a witch doctor.
Remember the Middle Ages?
Actors were burned alive as witches, as heretics.
Ever thought of being an actor?
- No. - You're missing out !
An actor can fall in love with his grandmother, his daughter,
he can become Napoleon, the Marquis de Sade...
Are you listening?
Davide...
The master's left. Madame took him to the station.
- Am I to wait for her? - I don't know.
- Are you alone in the house? - Yes.
There's only me.
What a strange sculpture !
It's from France. It's called, "it's all there".
- Is it a male or female behind? - Unisex, it's all the rage.
- What's yours like? - You've seen it, haven't you?
- Look, I'm still a virgin. - Want to stay that way?
Yes.
I appreciate your feelings.
Be gentle, sir.
Lord, forgive me for having forced sin upon...
...a maiden who was still a virgin,
...but sin fills me with an enthusiasm for virtue
...that makes me desire purity.
My sexuality is spiritual, not earthly.
Forgive me.
A return to childhood is always a torturous escape from reality.
At the seminary, I was reassured by the peaceful dormitories,
...the refectories and, why not,
...by my bottom being furtively groped.
The past and the future hide God from our sight.
Throw them both on the fire.
It's as if I'm separated from these feelings by a cane thicket.
Where are you, angel-like woman?
Davide, my darling, how do I look?
You're beautiful.
- Are you all mine? - Yes, I'm all yours.
- And mine alone, right? - Yours alone.
- Do you mean it? - Yes, I do.
- You care about me, right? - Yes, really.
Hold me tight !
Not going to touch me?
- Must I touch you then? - Of course.
- Where? - What a question !
My husband doesn't like being touched anymore.
- He's hiding the truth from you. - What truth?
That sex has become a problem for him.
Poor thing ! It used to be his calling card.
You women live on human flesh and salad.
"Get behind me !"
Yes, Satan !
Kiss me.
Natural law is that which
nature has instilled in all animals.
In fact, this law is not exclusive to humans,
but pertains to all animals
who receive life in the sky, the earth and the sea.
From here springs the union of male and female
that we call marriage.
From here springs the procreation of children,
their education.
Civil law must be distinguished from the law of the people,
since of all the peoples who are governed by rules and customs,
some obey their own personal law,
whilst others obey a law common to other men.
I'll be right there !
I'm just as you like me, unwashed.
Animal !
My husband's in the bathroom, come on !
Did you hurt yourself?
Go!
- What about a bang? - Get dressed !
No panties today either?
Only in the house. That's how Madame likes it.
- You're forcing me to stay. - What if the master sees us?
He'll think I'm here for you, not her.
Bloody hell !
That whore !
Still not satisfied?
You can have my warm place in bed...
not just my body...
Davide's watch is cold
and it's stopped.
Hello, Davide?
Is that you?
My husband knows everything.
He knows you were in his bed. He's furious !
He found your watch in the bathroom.
I left it there? I was sure I'd lost it for good.
He can keep it, it's a cheap one.
Your watch is no use to him !
Give it to me next time.
He wants to throw me out, he's gone crazy !
You said it was all over between the two of you.
You said he wasn't jealous.
Yes, but we soiled his bed.
- The family's sacred for him. - With or without Tonina?
She's got nothing to do with it.
Come over right away, darling.
Here.
Come right over !
Wow, what a car !
- Where do you want to go? - Down the road. I'll tell you when.
Now I'll show you something special.
Look at that great ass.
- And what do you do with it? - I go to bed.
- With that girl? - No, with the photo.
How does it make you feel?
I feel stronger. I want to run and do somersaults.
- It makes you love life. - Does it do that to you too?
- Sometimes. - Well, we're alike then.
Almost.
Pull over, we're here.
Do you think my girlfriend will show it to me?
- What? - Her backside.
If you pass this year.
You ought to know that the only advantage of marriage
is that it makes a life of reciprocal deceit more agreeable.
- But I'm the only cuckold here. - Why, you never cheated on me?
All the time, but you never found out.
You've sullied my house.
To cheat on me with a man who'd wear a watch like this !
Being married to you makes me sick !
Look at how fat you are, how you've let yourself go !
You disgust me !
And then, to come back unexpectedly like a Sicilian husband...
I need to let off steam sometimes too.
Of course, you're no good at anything.
It's him. Talk to him without quoting Chekov.
And give me that stupid watch !
Come on.
Yes, very nice.
- Are you wearing panties? - Yes.
Go and calm him down.
A woman's hatred for her cuckolded husband runs deep.
I even disgust her.
Don't take it so hard, I'm here.
You've brought ﬂowers? Boxing gloves would be better !
- He's really angry, eh? - No...
We've got to find another den. We're a pair of sensual monsters.
Be careful, he could hurt you too. Go on.
How kind.
Ah, it's you.
Always you. You're at home here now.
I come here often. Maybe too often?
No, your presence is very pleasing to my wife.
Vivian adores sex
and you're the platonic gigolo she's making use of...
at the moment.
"Fickle woman, always like a leaf in the wind."
Giovanni Boccaccio, "Filostrato".
I could say: "An enchanting creature
who, with the same ease, slips off her gloves and heart."
- Honoré de Balzac, right? - Exactly.
- "Frailty, thy name is woman." - Easy. "Hamlet", Act 1.
"Go amongst women and do not forget the whip."
- Who said that? - Friedrich Nietzsche.
You're so clever, you even speak German !
He mustn't come here again either by day or night.
You profaned by bed and my bathroom.
For a man of culture, the bathroom is a sanctuary.
"Adultery is a trinity without mystery."
When you quote, always name the source.
Excuse me.
Don't tell me you're not wearing any panties !
I am sir, I know you're in a bad mood today.
Of course, Tonina will stay with me.
She won't want for anything with us.
I must look after her. You two are lustful monsters.
What a sordid betrayal !
I should have suspected, guessed.
Not to know the truth, like a truly cuckolded husband.
I should have read the betrayal in my wife's eyes.
And you're absent-minded.
Absent-minded and without feelings.
- Who said so? - Me.
Him.
We'll start with this.
Bloody hell, this ass is heavy !
- There's one where I'm lying down. - So, it is yours !
I told you. I've got a good eye.
This one here.
It's a big deal getting your ass photographed.
Well, it's a novelty. What did your husband say?
- He wanted me to do it. - Did he take the shots?
No, a famous photographer. And this one, there.
Why so many?
Because they make up a body of poetic images.
- Fuckin' hell ! - There's a lady present...
Sorry, ma'am, it's your lovely ass.
How do you know these buns really are hers?
- Are they mine or not? - Sure !
Where shall I put this one?
There.
- Don't get any dirty thoughts. - I'm going to be a photographer.
Fine.
- Are you very religious? - Yes.
Always have been.
Who was the first girl to show you the delights of love?
A hooker.
You've liked women since you were a child?
I was disgusted by their bodily functions.
- Peeing and pooping? - Yes.
You're very romantic !
Excuse me a moment.
The more sex I'm offered, the closer I feel
to the threshold of death.
- And didn't he object? - No.
He said that I'm cruel in defending my virginity.
And he was always touching your bottom?
He's very sad
and very depressed.
What was he doing at home without me?
He's getting a new show ready.
"In der Grund".
My husband's so committed.
Please do not make vulgar comments.
If you want to talk of intimate relations between man and woman,
please use expressions like: "The cord in the ring",
"The needle in the coryphaeus".
"The leek in the vegetable patch".
"The key in the lock".
"The pestle in the mortar".
"The nightingale in the nest".
"The shoot in the furrow".
"The inﬂator in the sweetbread".
"The cornstalk in the guava".
"The vade mecum in the for example".
"The pastern in the parsnip".
"The dick up the ass", right?
- What's wrong? - I was dreaming.
- Was it a nightmare '? - Always the same one.
- You mean backsides again? - Yes.
A marvelous butt.
- Mine? - No, Tonina's.
First you make me feel indispensable,
then as soon as I move in with you everything changes.
But it's only a dream.
Did you dream about me before we lived together?
No, I didn't.
You should have said so. You wouldn't have ruined a marriage.
Good night.
I'll try and dream about you. Good night.
Softer. Look over here, like that.
Lower your eyes a little.
Look over here.
Look up.
Lower your head more.
They need to be updated.
- What does? - The photos.
Time goes by.
You mean my buttocks aren't like that anymore?
- To someone with a trained eye. - And you've got a trained eye?
Well, let's take a look.
- Now? - Yes.
- But dinner's ready. - As you wish.
All right.
- Something's changed. - What?
Time changes everything. Is our love always the same?
What's my backside got to do with it? Has it aged?
See this line?
It's more noticeable today. The furrow in the peach has sagged slightly.
It's evening, I'm tired. I've been on my feet all day.
What kind of remark is that?
Even your backside can't escape the passing of time.
And remember, I'm younger than you.
Come and look.
Look at the perfection of these buttocks.
- Who is it? - What do you mean?
Is it you?
Of course it is.
- Who took the shots? - A famous photographer.
And what did you tell him?
That you wanted them to show to your friends.
Time passes more quickly for a woman than for a man.
- And he thought it was normal? - That you asked me '? Of course.
Do I have to show them to my friends?
If it makes you happy.
What will this Bernardino do?
He'll rejuvenate Madame's backside.
Why did she marry that man?
Because he had a "thing" that took her to Paradise.
- You know French women... - And Roman women?
They're more serious because the Pope's in Rome.
You know what the master said?
What did that orangutan say?
That Michelangelo was mad at the Pope for covering up his nudes.
What else did that sea monster tell you?
That Michelangelo argued with Raphael
and Raphael died young because he screwed La Fornarina too much.
Poor thing !
What else did you learn at night school?
That hidalgo means "son of something"
to distinguish it from hijo di puta which means "son of a bitch".
- Do you know what a hooker is? - A woman like my mistress.
Would you like to be a hooker?
- I wouldn't know how. - Of course you would...
- Would you like to do it with me? - I don't know.
- You should try it. - Let's try it then !
I felt old. How could he say that?
I haven't noticed any signs of aging.
In fact, it looks absolutely fine to me.
- What do you think? - It's just as good as mine.
How can he say that my bottom's in decline?
It's perfect. If only there were more like it !
My lifestyle's too sedentary.
You can't compare his backside with yours.
- You know Davide's ass? - Of course, we're friends !
If my boyfriend did what Davide did to Vivian,
I'd dump him right away.
Maybe he wants to leave me.
Next time we'll play Vivaldi.
It's less painful.
What if he grabs me?
He'll get agitated, but he won't do anything to you.
Why do you want the errand boy to see me almost naked?
- Aren't you jealous? - Yes, I am.
Bloody hell, she's hot stuff ! You can see everything !
- You took your time. - Actually I rushed.
Listen, what do you like about women?
Their eyes.
Their eyes? Darling!
- And do you like the rest? - Yes, very much.
Well, touch me then.
Kiss me here.
Now here.
That's enough.
Totally crazy, but totally hot !
Did you like that?
What a good little whore !
- The sea monster! - How are you, doll?
- I'm fine, but Madame... - What's Davide been doing to her?
He sends her onto the roof naked, shows her off at the window...
- He offers her to delivery boys ! - How awful !
Failure to achieve erection, no.
- Insufficient erection? - Insufficient erection, no.
- Erection without ejaculation? - Erection without ejaculation, no.
- Premature ejaculation? - No, not that.
- Oedipus complex? - Oedipus complex, no.
- Denial of affection? - Denial of affection, no.
- Infantile regression? - No, not that.
Well, he's not a faggot then.
But there are always the "black men" lurking about.
- Black in what way? - Black black...
- Black black black? - Black black black.
Racist !
He's a sadomasochist.
He's a hopeless case.
- Did he ever ask you to whip him? - Yes, often.
I knew it. Has he whipped you?
No, he just talks about weird things when we're making love.
- Tell me one of them. - It's always the same.
Naked in the summer heat, he goes down onto the rocks.
Three young blacks show up, turned on.
- How black are they? - Not very, dark-skinned.
- How turned on are they? - They're turned on.
- How are you when you're turned on? - I see.
They stop him going back to his boat,
surround him and immobilize him.
It always ends at that point.
- How come? - Because then the pleasure arrives.
Next time I want to know more.
The rocks burn the soles of my feet.
I try to get away
but the three of them hold me.
I throw myself at one to open an escape route.
They immobilize me.
They immobilize me !
- Didn't you hear anything? - He came.
You think I don't know? He was in my pussy.
Hell's bells !
Two women in the house and he makes love to a cushion !
He's a dreamer.
Yes, but it's too easy to screw in dreams.
We need to face reality.
Can I go back to bed?
- Tonina... go and get screwed! - Now?
What is it Vivian?
- He didn't say. - Who ?
Who? Davide.
He didn't say what the black men did to him.
They raped him. What's wrong with them being black?
Bitch !
Who are you?
Vivian Didier.
Davide's concubine.
Davide is my boyfriend.
- Feminist, of course. - Yes, but with reservations.
We gave the world its first feminist: The Virgin Mary,
the only woman who conceived without the help of a man.
I always keep up to date on everything.
Follow me.
You have erred.
You have subjugated Davide to love, overwhelming him with your favors.
After all, he's only flesh and blood.
But that's how God made us.
But God wanted man and woman to be free
so he could give them his laws.
What's that got to do with Davide?
You two have broken the rule of continence.
But I love him.
We must not nourish a love that we cannot master.
Our desires must obey us, not enslave us.
We must be able to ignite and extinguish them at will.
- But I'm suffering so much ! - Don't be ashamed of suffering.
Break the pact with love, banish it !
Feel one pain today and avoid a thousand tomorrow.
Obstacles make up the constancy of love.
Eternal saturation and satisfied passion must be excluded.
So, I must deny myself.
Yes.
I'm denying, I'm denying...
But how can I?
Remember to be sensual,
wiggle your hips gently.
You must be exciting. Go on.
What's new at the convent today? Bless my soul ! Who are you '?
This house is full of gorgeous women !
Here she comes... What'll I do?
Fooled you !
She'd disgust Satan, she's incorruptible.
Tonina, make me a coffee.
How do you find me?
Bonula in Latin.
"Hot" today.
But you won't always remain so.
How unkind !
Turn around.
There, I knew it.
Your panties have been sucked into the furrow of the peach.
- What furrow? - Do not feign innocence.
Shame on you !
Only the devil could have invented these panties.
- All women are wearing them. - Yes, to be easily available.
And so one can sense the shape of the "loaves".
- What loaves? - The ass, as you call it.
Why did you sell yourself to the merchants?
Once you were the part that never saw the sun,
...now you are brought down by lascivious eyes and sinful hands.
You were referred to with respect and called: "The woman's charms".
And now what have you become?
A horrible receptacle of impurity.
What do you want?
That you respect this Holy Place with chaste underwear like mine.
What's that horn for?
In my condition it's the only protection.
Only an intellect fogged by desire would find you beautiful.
- Boor ! - Whore !
Blasphemer !
Davide, free yourself from this woman.
Dear Tonina, I need you.
Ask me anything you like.
- Anything? - I owe you a lot and I like you.
Would you be prepared to save my love?
- Which one? - The one for David !
What can I do? I could talk to him, but I don't know what to say.
But you're a woman.
I think so !
- Sorbole! - What does "sorbole" mean?
- Davide likes you. - I think so.
But you don't want me to steal him, I wouldn't manage it.
If you give up your virginity, he'll never leave you.
- But I won't give it up ! - But we're talking about Davide !
You have to ask me this, of all people !
- David's good in bed. - I know.
- You did it with him. - No, he did it to me.
- So, you're not a virgin anymore. - I swear that I am.
When did it happen?
That day with your husband.
He didn't waste any time !
And couldn't you resist?
Nice friend !
You wanted me to show him my backside.
Don't say that because of that you offered your ass to all our guests !
What? No, nobody else. Only him.
- Who else? - Only once...
- Who? - Your husband.
He said it was fine by you. I had to turn him on.
Excite him for my benefit. But if you take my place...
I messed everything up.
But you're still a virgin?
Yes.
Good girl.
Well done.
Excellent.
Marvelous.
Stupendous !
Perfect !
I don't like this business.
I do.
- I think there's a way out. - What?
I asked you a question.
- Does she have an effect on you? - No...
Even though I find her very charming.
- How do you find the gentleman? - Funny.
- See, she likes you. - You must leave that man.
- But I love him. - A dangerous infatuation.
Should I go back to my husband?
- And those panties? - Don't you recognize them?
- Are they mine? - Yes.
I need them for my solitary pleasures.
- I wish it were a sin. - What?
This ice cream.
How can people write such stuff?
"Disillusioned on the doorstep, I see the dog and bitch vent their passion.
I think of you always, little bitch. Bernardino."
"I hope I'll soon be at it like a dog in a cornfield.
Who'll be my bitch? Love and bow wows, Bernardino."
He's already called twice, I told him you were sleeping.
- It's him. - Give it to me.
Hello?
No, I don't need any permission.
I'm free to please myself.
This evening? Wait.
- He wants to take me to dinner. - Go ahead, cheat on me.
- Your love makes me unhappy. - And what will you do?
All right. What time will you pick me up?
Now I feel strong.
Passion needs an obstacle.
Who knows... I might fall in love with her.
Provided that she cheats on me. I don't think she's capable.
I'm proud of myself, I'm a powerful spirit.
"I renounce happiness for the love of freedom."
Corneille, "Place Royale".
- Why don't you massage me? - I can't.
- What's changed? - I can't touch you anymore.
I'm in love.
- So you can't massage me? - No.
Because I love you !
What's he like?
Handsome.
How handsome?
Handsome and strong.
Like who?
Like...
Like... Paul Newman.
- Slut ! You did it with him ! - Yes.
- How many times? - Lots... lots !
- You'll pay for this ! - Yes.
- I'll make you my slave. - How?
What a nice tummy ! It tastes of field balm.
No, please.
Behave, Tonina.
Turn over.
She's no good.
She can't even cook.
- Why did you take her on? - She took me.
Foreign women destroy men. They always want to make love.
Why, don't you like it?
- There are other things. - Like what?
I don't know... science, politics, poetry.
Who told you about that?
My dad, in Bologna.
- You're from Bologna. - No, Casalecchio.
- And who's this? - The fresh behind of a virgin.
- Cellulite under the make up. - What's cellulite?
A fossil.
I know Tonina's backside better than you.
- Something's going on between you. - What?
I brought Tonina up like a sister.
Hurry up, dinner's nearly ready.
It's ready.
Hello. Is that you?
I've been calling for days, why didn't you answer?
- What happened? - I was confined.
By that monster? I'll be right over.
Why did he confine you?
He hit me and tortured me too...
- ...beat me. - Why didn't you call me?
I couldn't.
And all because of you.
Unheard of ! I'll right over.
- I'll break down the door! - He's banned everything.
I've been reduced to a servant.
Davide even forces me to take baths with Tonina.
It's wonderful !
I've earned his love.
And believe me, "Bow Wow", I'm very happy.
Good morning.
- Don't you work in the theater? - Yes, sir.
- Didn't you play Ivanov? - Yes, exactly.
I enjoyed it.
Why didn't you show me at the theater?
I clapped.
- I only heard boos. - No, really. I clapped.
- Are you an impresario? - No.
- Well then? - Your wife ran off, right?
- Bad news travels fast. - I know she regrets it.
She wants to come back to me? With Tonina?
- She's confined. - She always liked that.
When we made love, she often made me mistreat her.
Now she's found someone to torture and whip her.
- She must be very happy. - I want to free her.
- You want to torture her too? - I want to snatch her from that man.
She'll never fall for you, your ass is too insignificant.
- What makes you think that? - Your face.
Women don't care much about men's backsides.
I surmise that you've not yet been intimate with my wife.
I want to marry her first.
Why should I free her from one man and give her to another?
And love is like luck,
it doesn't want us to run after it. Remember that.
Help me.
Fight it.
Your buns are saggy.
Come on, Augusto !
Give me the ball !
Come on !
Bastard !
No, I won't do that for you. I can't.
He gets turned on by my voice. What should I do?
Keep talking to him.
Why must I say these obscenities? I don't know you.
One does them, one doesn't talk about them.
Who do you take me for?
Don't go overboard just because I was nice to you once.
- I can't do it like this. - The devil in the convent !
- What does that mean? - You made a monk happy.
But wasn't it a leading TV director?
No, a monk who received a photo of your pretty little ass.
Your voice must have made him reach orgasm.
- He'll add a saint to the calendar. - You're crazy !
What you did is unforgivable.
You besmirched a soul.
You used audiovisual means to spread perversion.
Uncle, I truly repent.
You know what you did to that poor monk?
A hopeless case. We confined him because he propositioned the nuns.
If you fell prey to Satan, you could have confessed to me.
If you want to save yourself, you know what you must do.
To master a woman's soul is an art.
But to free yourself from a genuine spiritual crisis
...is a masterpiece.
I want to regain the peace I remember.
Because of your obsession with virginity you made me lose Davide.
- Davide won't be coming anymore? - No.
- I was expecting you. - Good morning, prior.
Your uncle told me you were coming.
I hope you gave much consideration to your choice.
Davide...
We want you to be happy amongst us.
Your uncle told me that you have suffered greatly.
Moral, not material suffering, of course.
This bitch is always on the phone !
Hello?
- Found the right man ? - Yes, Bernardino.
That idiot, Tonina, would never consent to him.
She does what I tell her.
Tonina's virginity gets on my nerves.
She keeps it hot like dinner.
She didn't even want to give it to Davide.
If you want, I'll give it to Davide.
He's joined a monks' order.
Want to get your revenge?
You take care of Tonina's punishment.
What's this for? I'm not superstitious.
- Your uncle is. - Fine, but I'm not.
Put your hand on your heart.
Give me the other hand.
Relax, that's it.
Unveil your soul.
Now we'll exorcise the devil.
Give me the whip.
Out, devil !
Out !
Let's expel the devil from this body !
Out, devil !
Out !
Let's expel the devil from this body !
Now I liberate you from the devil !
There, you're ready.
Here I am.
Hold the whip.
Give me your hands, that's it.
How wonderful !
Oh. go on !
Now you're fired.
You didn't understand a thing.
Good morning.
These are my references.
Thank you.
Fine.
- I wanted to know if you're... - Yes, I'm a virgin.
Good.
Where are you, beloved young woman, so highly sought after ?
The god who created man had a good sense of humour.
Identify! Who said that?